It’s that time of year to start considering the Girl Scout Cookie operation as a whole. My findings, although subjective and without any basis in concrete research; are highly alarming. For starters, in all the years I have purchased GSC’s, I have yet to be sold by an active member of the Girl Scouts. In fact, it has usually been sold to me by full-grown adults… men in most cases. I know what you’re thinking, those aren’t Girl Scout cookies. I assure you that they are in fact GSC’s and I doubly assure you that the tactics used to complete the transaction are questionable at best.
Consider the following scenario: You’re at work. Someone presents a list of cookies to choose from and leaves you with the task of checking cookie products and filling in the appropriate dollar amount owed (although you have no control over this segment). This is an assumptive close, but an effective one; as you will notice there are already 40 closet fat kids in the office preceding you, who have submitted their cookie requests. As you review the ample list of cookie products, you are surrounded by doe-eyed colleagues that are anxious to view your selection (passing is not a viable option). You select a conservative 2-3 box range and are considered a GSC supporter. Bullet dodged.
A few short weeks later, you are delivered the boxes and asked for payment. You sift through lint-covered coins and dollar bills, because to accept the cookies without cash in hand is the equivalent of an I.O.U. in the collection box at church.
Although the cookies are delicious and the prices are competitive in the marketplace, the question of validity remains. The box touts “Courage Confidence Character.” I think a more apt tagline might be “Deceitful Delicious Delicatessen.” The box goes on to say, “Girl Scouts of the USA is the premier leadership development organization for girls where young women discover their potential, connect with others and take action in their communities and the world.” Yes, and the Keebler Elves are busy in their treetop kitchenettes improving the recipe to the next E.L. Fudge. Deceitful.
You rifle through sleeves of Thin Mints and Tagalongs as quickly as you delete emails in your spam folder. Delicious.
Without uncovering the larger conspiracy that is the “Girl Scouts of the USA,” the cookies are still worth the milk milked to drown them.
Delicious Deceitful Delicatessen.
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